Insight and Inspiration
Four Reasons NOT To Oppose Same-Sex Marriage
There are four reasons why a person should not oppose same-sex marriage.
Notice that not opposing is quite different from actively supporting. We don't
have to shout our support or campaign for the concept (although hopefully
many will continue to do exactly that). Religious leaders who oppose the
concept don't have to personally conduct gay marriage ceremonies (although
hopefully many will continue to do that as well). But, what everyone can do,
is to stand aside and allow same-sex marriages to become legal for those
who wish to marry. Please consider these reasons.
Reason 1 - A Christian's Command to Follow Jesus
In matters of faith and religion the easiest approach is to simply defer to what our church and its leaders say, since they are presumed to be experts in this area. That's how I grew up.
As a Catholic youth I was taught that all religious questions and answers were to be found in the Baltimore Catechism. My only task was to memorize them. There were no other questions and no other answers. I was very frustrated by that stance because I had lots of other questions and many of the answers I was being given didn't seem adequate. I was afraid to speak up because of the constant reminder that failure to follow the teachings of the Church would lead to an eternity of Hell fire and damnation.
As a young adult I had the good fortune to be schooled by Jesuits. Instead of memorizing pre-established questions and answers, they taught critical thinking and applied it to all areas of our lives including religious matters. They required us to think. To challenge underlying assumptions. To understand issues from multiple points of view. To develop our own rational answers to questions. To be able to logically defend our conclusions.
As a person of faith, questioning religious positions is extremely difficult. But religious positions have been wrong before and need to be questioned. Remember that the Bible has been used in the past to justify slavery and to keep women subservient to men.
The current position branding homosexuality as inherently sinful is based on a handful of carefully selected Scriptures that are subject to very different, well-documented interpretations. And it is important to realize that, while selecting these Scriptures to highlight; many others that could be applied to the general population are simply ignored.
So, before automatically condemning homosexual people on religious grounds and denying them access to marriage, we owe them a dose of critical thinking.
Christians are called to be followers of Jesus Christ, and one of the best ways is to live according to the lessons found in the Four Gospels. What we don't find in the Gospels is a Jesus who extracted selected Bible verses and used their literal translation to brand people as special sinners. What we do find is a Jesus who used Scripture as a whole to declare that we all fall short. He told us to clean up our own acts first and not to judge others. He used parables and stories to teach important lessons. He said that we are to be known by our love and compassion for others, even our enemies. He showed us how to do that by reaching out to everyone and by including society’s outcasts in his circle of followers.
Nothing Jesus said or did had anything to do with condemning homosexuals or homosexuality. The only group that Jesus chastised was the religious leaders. In the 23rd chapter of Matthew he denounced them for placing heavy burdens on the shoulders of the people and for acting superior to others. He accused them of being hypocrites who talked about the letter of the law but failed to observe its spirit.
The concept of homosexuality was unknown in Biblical times. People then were aware of sex acts between men, but those acts were primarily considered a matter of demonstrating power and control over another person or simply satisfying lust. Two free men couldn't have sex because the passive role was only acceptable for inferiors such as women, slaves or male youths who were not of age. People didn't understand the concept of emotional and physical love between two men. They didn't understand that this was an innate attraction not a choice. That level of understanding wasn't achieved until relatively recently. Even the term homosexuality didn't come into existence until the German psychologist Karoly Maria Benkert coined it in the late 19th century. Since in Biblical times women were considered inferior and the property of a man, sex between two females never even appeared on the Biblical radar screen.
Instead of judging the perceived shortcomings of others, Jesus demonstrated true love towards all.
“Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’” - The Gospel according to Matthew, Chapter 22, verses 34-40.
Try to observe Jesus through the eyes of the Gospels. Try to imagine what he would do today. Would He condemn gay and lesbian people? Would He try to deny them civil rights? Or would He draw them to Himself and shower them with extra love to make up for the pain they have suffered? Would He have harsh words for today’s religious leaders who attack homosexual people and same-sex marriage? Would He marry his gay friends and subsequently have His credentials removed by the church?
Reason 2 - The Founding Principles of the United States
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. – That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.” - The Declaration of Independence
When those words were first written, there were many unspoken exclusions beneath the surface equality. Women were assumed to be excluded. So were people of color, non-property owners and non-Christians. Those groups of people were viewed as having been created without the portfolio of unalienable rights enjoyed by white, Protestant, land-owning males whom God obviously favored. Since then, our society has expended enormous effort and achieved significant success in ending those exclusions and extending liberty and justice to an ever-widening circle of people. That effort of inclusion and extension reversed course when it encountered homosexual people.
The primary driver of anti-gay attitudes is the religious dogma that brands homosexual citizens as sexual perverts and unrepentant sinners. That religious belief is often used to justify the exclusion of gay citizens from the Constitutional rights and protections enjoyed by heterosexuals. That approach is in direct violation of the First Amendment that prohibits the establishment of a state-approved religion. Have we forgotten that many of our ancestors fled their countries because their governments were ruthlessly imposing some form of religion? Now we are busily creating yet another form of religious governance here. The inherent potential danger of this approach is highly visible in past horrors like the Spanish Inquisition and the present horrors of the theocratic forms of extreme Islamist governments that exist in parts of the Middle East. The potential recurrence of those dangers is a very good reason to maintain a separation of Church and State. Even if it is your church that is in favor today, tomorrow it might be someone else’s.
Others argue that marriage must be preserved for heterosexuals, but they are willing to concede some form of civil union or domestic partnership for gay citizens. The concept of separate but equal was found to be constitutionally invalid in racial relations, and it isn't valid here either. Any proposal short of full recognition of same-sex marriage remains discriminative by its very nature.
Do we really believe in liberty and justice for all? Or do we think that people who are different from us in beliefs, skin color, religious affiliation, philosophical outlook or life style don't deserve the same rights that we enjoy? This country has consistently overcome prejudicial stereotypes and sub-standard treatment of its minorities. How can we extol the virtues of our system of government and then deny equal rights to gay citizens?
Reason 3 - Faulty Arguments Against Same-Sex Marriage
Many seemingly logical arguments have been used to justify a different approach to dealing with gays and lesbians. Upon closer examination those arguments fall apart because of false logic. Here are some of the most common examples.
One of the most basic arguments is that we are re-defining marriage. Contrary to what many say, marriage has not always been between one man and one woman. Our Biblical forefathers commonly married not only multiple women but had concubines as well. That practice fell into disfavor, but the Mormons reinstated it in the mid-1800's. Black slaves were considered property and hence were not allowed to marry. After the Civil War, blacks could marry other blacks but not whites. All inter-racial marriages were routinely banned in much of the country. Those laws remained on the books in almost one-third of our states until as recently as 40 years ago. Since we have clearly been continuously redefining marriage, we can't argue against allowing gay marriage simply because it would also redefine marriage.
Some tell us that homosexual people are a special substandard class of sick or immoral people who have chosen a lifestyle that doesn't deserve recognition or protection. Medical science has demonstrated that those statements are erroneous. The American Medical Association and the American Psychological Association have declared that homosexuality is neither mental illness nor moral depravity but simply the way that a minority of our population expresses human love and sexuality. Science has shown that homosexuality appears throughout the animal kingdom where questions of choice, mental illness and immorality clearly don't apply. Therefore there is no legitimate medical, psychological or scientific reason to treat gays differently.
Some charge that gays live aberrant life styles, don't create lasting relationships and therefore would destroy the institution of marriage. It is true that some gays live aberrant life styles. Some heterosexuals also live aberrant life styles, but no one attempts to ban marriage for all heterosexuals. It is true that some gays have transient relationships. Some heterosexuals also have transient relationships but no one attempts to ban marriage for all heterosexuals based on that fact. It is ironic that while we criticize gays for their “abnormal” life styles, we have constructed legal and social barriers that prevent them from having normal life styles and lasting relationships. Our current practice of forcing homosexual citizens to live together without the benefit of marriage actually serves to create the very situation that we then use to say proves that they don't deserve access to marriage.
Still others claim that they want to protect marriage from destruction by participation by homosexual people, but heterosexuals are doing a pretty good job of ruining the institution of marriage by themselves. During most years of the 1990's, for every two marriages there was one divorce. These were all heterosexual unions and 50% failed. Does a 50% failure rate constitute a successful institution?
et another false idea is that marriage is solely about procreation. While it is a biological fact that a same-sex couple cannot procreate without external assistance, a surprising number use artificial insemination, adopt or become foster parents. Would any of those actions overcome the objection? Many heterosexual couples, especially more mature adults, cannot or choose not to have children. Are we then to deny them the right to marry? If a couple fails to produce a child in some pre-determined time period, is their "marriage" supposed to be nullified? Interestingly, no current religious nor civil marriage licenses require producing an offspring. Clearly, procreation as a precondition for marriage is an illogical approach.
We have grown up with heterosexual marriage, so the concept of same-sex marriage seems foreign to us. It is different, but being different isn't sufficient reason for rejection. If it were, then no existing forms of injustice or mistreatment would ever change. We could simply say, “It’s always been this way,” and the practice would continue.
Reason 4 - A Practical Application of The Golden Rule
Treat others the way that we want to be treated is a matter of simple humanity. There is a version of this “rule” in every major religion and humanitarian philosophy. We are supposed to care about others. We may not rush to help them with monetary or material support but, at the very least, we are not supposed to harm them or prevent them from finding happiness. Most times, most of us find it easy to support the golden rule. Yet we somehow manage to justify excluding homosexual people and same-sex marriage from the Golden Rule.
The Jewish concept of “Tikun Olam” is an extension of the Golden Rule and is a spiritual command to repair the world. It embraces the quest for social justice, freedom, equality, peace and a restoration of the environment. It is a call to action and recognizes that each act of human kindness helps to build a new and better world. There isn't a shred of human kindness in denying gays the opportunity to marry.
We need to realize that this is not a theoretical academic idea, an abstract religious concept or a hypothetical political philosophy. This is about real people trying to lead a life of love, hope and happiness. How can anyone justify standing in their way? Having gays and lesbians marry doesn't affect the marriages of any other people. They aren't asking us to fight for their right to marry. They aren't asking us to applaud and celebrate their marriages. They only ask that we allow them to have the same thing that we have – a chance to have love and happiness with a partner of their choice.
If our happiness was threatened by a hostile society, we would feel and understand the sting of unwarranted discrimination. How then can we hoard access to fundamental human wants, needs and desires for ourselves and deny them to fellow human beings whose only “crime” is that they were born with a different sexual orientation? On what grounds can such an action ever be justified?
Where Does that Leave Us?
I am not a homosexual person but have many friends who are. They have expressed the anguish they have felt by their exclusion from main stream society based solely on their sexual orientation and ignoring all other attributes of their character. They feel that such rejection is wrong from a spiritual standpoint, from a civil rights standpoint, from a logical standpoint and from a purely human standpoint. I couldn't agree more. Anyone who is willing to take the time to study the issue as described here can potentially reach a similar conclusion. It takes effort, BUT…
To be a truly spiritual person requires effort. “What does God require of us …
To do justice
To love kindness
To walk humbly with your God.”
- Micah 6:8
To be a true proponent of our country's founding principles requires effort.
"Any man who seeks to deny equality among all his brothers betrays the spirit of the free and invites the mockery of the tyrant."
President Dwight David Eisenhower, Inaugural Address, 1953
To use valid logical arguments requires effort.
“He that cannot reason is a fool.
He that will not is a bigot.
He that dare not is a slave.”
Andrew Carnegie
To be a compassionate human being requires effort.
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
The Dalai Lama
Hopefully we can fully support gays and same-sex marriage. If unable to do so, then at least we can stand aside and allow spiritual love, civil justice, truth and human compassion to work. That isn't asking too much when the happiness of so many lives is at stake!
Church of Our Redeemer serving the Central Savannah River Area in South Carolina and Georgia
